The Real Housewives of NY, Overcoming My Fear of Flying and Book Club Scheming

get out your bouquets of sharpened pencils

Hello darlings. It’s September 24th (thought it will be September 25th by the time you read this) which means it’s firmly fall. Or autumn. No longer do the fall girlies have to lurk in the corner pretending like they haven’t had their pumpkin spice candles lit since late July.

As an aside, I splurged on a candle to light only when I read or do pilates in my room and it smells woody and mossy and how I imagine a wood nymph would smell like if you could get close enough.

I’ve been deep in baking and pickling land. Banana bread, my first focaccia, I keep trying to make my own sourdough starter and it always dies after day four. Every morning when I get up the air is cool and smells sweet like the early stages of rotting leaves. (Another aside! Don’t you dare even dream of raking up your leaves. They create a gorgeous natural habitat for fireflies, bees, frogs and other lovely wildlife to grow in. It also acts as lovely insulation and natural mulch for your garden.)

Anyway, it’s been gorgeous and even though these Tennessee days still reach the 80s during the afternoon, our cool mornings have been just dreamy.

But enough waffling on about fall and the weather some place you probably don’t even live. We have an agenda. We have things to discuss. So let’s sidebar any pickling chat (although please DO talk to me about pickling things in the comment section!) and get into the meat of this issue.

I am loving the reboot of the Real Housewives of New York

If you’re not a Bravo fan, perhaps skip this section. I’m not here to be a Bravo apologist. You either get it or you don’t.

The cliff notes however are: I LOVE IT. The original 2008 RHONY was my introduction to all the Real Housewives franchises, flinging me into a several decade love affair. But it had gotten stale and the women, while iconic in their own right, just didn’t didn’t feel relevant.

The reality is that millennial and Gen X women are now “housewife” age, so shifting to a younger cast was such a good move and I am loving every second of this journey.

I’m not going to give you a cast breakdown in this newsletter, but I do want to talk about the aspects of this show that I feel like make it fresh, modern, relevant and interesting.

Scoff all you want, they have jobs that reflect on a macro (and wealthier) level what me and my friends do.

They are influencers, consultants, one is a model who also owns a hot sauce company, they’re full-time mothers and entrepreneurs. I feel like it’s very millennial for women to not just do one thing. For better or worse, many of the women in the show and it my own experience are mutli-hyphenates. They wear many hats, they own businesses and consult, and have part-time jobs, and host podcasts, and throw up affiliate links. They are doing it all. Gone are the days of people being “just an author” or an “actor” or a “lawyer”. Are there pros and cons to this reality? Sure. But I like that the women on this cast reflect that reality for our generation.

Their drama feels real

If you’re a regular Bravo watcher, you know the drama can get intense and outlandish at times (Jen Shah getting arrested by FBI on a girls trip, tables getting flipped, affairs uncovered, etc) We love it. But the drama and the reactions of the RHONY cast to each other feels so relatable. Is it pettier than how me and my friends are getting on?Sure, but the way they process conflict, the way the share about their lives, the fun they have with each other genuinely feels like I’m hanging out with friends and peers. I have been loving every second. It’s light, and fluffy and cozy.

Finally, some diversity that doesn’t feel forced

There have been some half-mast attempts in some of the Housewives franchises at diversifying the casts. And while I think totally needed, it still has felt very obvious what was happening and inorganic. It also has historically led to awkward (and if we’re honest, boring) conversations about racism because the all white cast pigeonhole the non-white cast members into “educating them” on “what it’s like to be black in Hollywood”. Which don’t get me wrong, is an important perspective, but feels so inauthentic to these women that you just want to crawl in a hole and never come out.

The cast in RHONY just feels real and authentically diverse. They’re African, Indian, British, Jewish, gay and white. They come from different socio-economic and cultural backgrounds, and it’s so much more fun! It’s so refreshing and feels authentic.

Before I wrap this section up, I just need to give a little line up so far of my favorite cast members (if I’m forced to choose) are (in order):

Ubah Hassan

Oh my goodness the crush I have on this woman!!! Not only is she drop-dead gorgeous and adorable, but she’s funny and wise. She’s effortlessly cool and always has a way of making everyone feel comfortable. I will be devastated if she doesn’t return for Season 2!

Jessel Taank

I didn’t know what to make of Jessel the first few episodes but I kind of love her out of touch whining about everything. Maybe I’m partial as a fellow mom of twins, but I find her inadvertant vulnerability refreshing and I hope she never changes!

And obviously Jenna Lyons who is just iconic at all times. I can’t believe we got so lucky as to have her as a housewife. Begging her not to leave us!

If you’ve been watching please comment below with your thoughts and stand out favorites. Reality tv lovers unite!

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In 2020 when we landed in Chicago Midway and it was so rough on the descent that I cried and begged Chris to rent a car and drive the rest of the way to Minneapolis. In hindsight I’m glad we didn’t but I was dead serious.

Overcoming My Fear of Flying

I don’t know why it started. The first summer I went on tour with my husband, we flew every single day. We even emergency landed once in Pensacola because the engine caught on fire and were greeted on the landing strip by three fire trucks, and honestly I just enjoyed the drama and got back on another plane the next morning.

Then I had my first kid and everything shifted for me. I cried every flight. Got panic attacks when the plane would take off. I would count the months between flights and a good year for me was one where I didn’t have any flights in the books. It got so bad one year that I would get a pit in my stomach every time I’d see a plane take off driving by Nashville airport.

I tried everything short of ambien and other prescription drugs— CBD, alcohol, meditation, Nyquil the works. Nothing really helped.

I share all this to say, that I had begun to accept this as my new life until I noticed things started to change again— this time for the better. I wouldn’t say I’m “healed”, but I can fly without crying or having a pit in my stomach the whole week leading up to the flight. So that feels like a win.

There’s no silver bullet for me, but here’s some things that helped:

• Reading Cockpit Confidential by Patrick Smith, a pilot who talks you through all the questions anyone might have on flying. For me a lot of my anxiety has to do with hating the feeling of the lack of control in flying. I’m not behind the wheel, I’m at the mercy of the pilots. So educating myself on who is flying my plane and how it works really helped for me.

• I like following @flyiiingtwins on TikTok. They’re twin pilots who film what it’s like to be commercial airline pilots and something about the way they show and explain things really feels calming and normalizes the experience of flying for me.

• I started watching YouTubers Kara & Nate travel the world, flying everywhere on all sorts of planes and it made me realize people travel all the time. Everyday approximately 93,000 flights take off, fly, and safely land. Something about knowing I’m in so much company in the air helps me mentally feel safe and again, like it’s NORMAL.

• I reframe turbulence in my mind like a pothole in the sky. It’s not going to take me down. It’s just a bump. And that’s not just wishful thinking, it’s a true fact.

• I remind myself that pilots don’t want to die either. They’re all making sure everything is working, the weather is safe and this is literally their 9-5 (and beyond). For me, this is just a few hours of my life. They’re doing this day in and day out and have a personal vested interested getting everyone where they need to be safely.

• My final mind trick is to think about how excited I’m going to be when I get where I’m going. I don’t really travel for work anymore so this is a little easier. But even still, something about being somewhere new thousands of miles away from where you woke up is still pretty cool.

I don’t know if any of this is helpful. I’m sorry there’s no magic bullet. For me it’s been about slowly reframing my fears and understanding the things that freak me out. But I’d be curious if hypnosis works on this stuff. If anyone’s tried it can you comment below so we can learn? K thanks.

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Book Club? <3

Okay so I’ve had this idea rumbling around in my head for awhile. I just want to talk about books. I wondered if people would think it was fun to try this. What if in October? What if we limited the event to 15 people so that we could actually have a meaningful discussion? What if we made drinks and popcorn and wore sweats and had a little get-to-know you moment where everyone had to answer the same five questions about themselves before we talked about the book? omg I want this.

Here are the books I think we should consider. Please vote below:

• Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout

• Ghosts by Dolly Alderton

• Tom Lake by Ann Pachett

I’m trying to play it cool but I think this could be SO FUN. Can we make this real?

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Well dear ones, it’s 9:33pm which is pretty much past my bedtime. But here are some closing thoughts:

• The way Sophie Turner is handling this messy divorce situation is beautiful. The Silence is speaking so eloquently. She has said nothing (unlike Joe) and we’re all rooting for her to live in England with her kids.

• I’m grateful to live in a world where pleasures like clouds and coffee exist. What a dream.

• I just completed my annual rewatch of You’ve Got Mail and don’t understand how the fashion in that movie has never felt cheesy or dated. I’ve been watching it religiously every year since it came out, and have never once thought anything anyone was wearing was cringe. How did they do that?

  

  And with that, bonne nuit!